Evolve (part 2)

Dramatic drum roll

Are you ready for part two?

It hasn't been a secret that our upcoming move has tested Niels and I's relationship. To be honest there has been a point (about 2 weeks ago) where I said that all the uncertainty wasn't worth it to me. That if things continued to be this way I would rather give up on that dream and explore our other options here in the Netherlands. As you have read this blog or just some snippets of my blog posts it is very clear that I am not good with suspense.

It is just not in my nature to let things go. I thrive on routine and knowing what comes next. Which makes the whole process we are currently in extremely hard for me. I am not going to bore anyone with the specifics (maybe I'll write about that once all this is over) but let's say we could have been further into our visa application than we are now and the fact that Niels handles things his way has made for some interesting conversations.

Yesterday, at the zoo of all places, it finally clicked and I have seen a side of Niels I hadn't seen before. Not because of something he did but more specifically something he didn't do. My fault and I feel stupid for saying it out loud has been expecting Niels to react the way I do. Even though we are great as a couple and love each other dearly, we are very different people when it comes to communication and handling stressful situations. 

I am all about communication, telling what I feel, why I feel a certain way and trying to get to the cause of something. Niels is more technical and prefers to think about things alone. 

Knowing this I have looked back on a few of the hard moments.... I myself could have prevented sleepless nights for the both of us by not being so.... well myself. Niels on his part understands that there are areas where he can improve to make things easier on himself and us.

I will try to take this into account the next time that metaphorical bomb is about to explode again.

We both have a better understanding of the other person and I am sure this is going to help us with everything else there is to come.

On the note of understanding a person there also is Kevin. He has been dealing with (do I dare say it?) extreme separation anxiety. Going from a kid that was perfectly happy to play outside while I was inside making dinner to freaking out whenever I go to the bathroom. It has been a challenge for Niels and I to navigate Kevin his feelings. The last thing we want to do is dismiss his feelings but we also want to show him and give him the trust that we are here and won't really "leave" him. 

Most people around us assure us that this is just a phase and every kid goes through it. But add to this that he surely feels and picks up on all the tension and stress. In the meantime there have been several occasions where Niels and I had to go and leave him with a sitter. I think this all just made him insecure.  He constantly asks where Niels is and the other way around. He has been having major meltdowns when Niels had to leave early for work. Screaming that he wants to go to America with daddy.

Now tell me again that kids don't have a clue what grown ups are talking about....Bringing him to playdates has been a whole new ballgame and like I said we are trying to make sure he feels confident in the fact that we will come back for him. Our solution for now is to prep him the best we can. Explaining to him what is going to be happening and when (like after naptime) we will be picking him up.

Well I guess this brings me to the end of this 2-part post.

Sorry for all the rambling. I hope my story helped you in some sort of way. Even if it is just to see some perspective.

If this post (or any previous post) helped you in any way please let me know.

Until next time!