I am too busy, I am needed elsewhere, I don't even know where to start, I don't have the chance to really get into it now, I am too tired..... All excuses I have made for myself in the past couple of weeks. For some reason I just didn't get to writing which is strange because it was not for a lack of inspiration. Somehow it felt like I needed the perfect circumstances to finally get everything out on paper. Now that I am finally sitting down to write I realize there is no such thing. Although.... I am currently sitting in our garden, Niels just got a fire going and is reading a book, music is softly playing and the dogs are laying by my side. I don't think it gets any better than this.
Now that I have painted that picture let's get started. The title says it all. This is going to be a long one and I decided I would try writing in parts this time. I'll try to keep some structure in my story but there is just so much I want to let out. Let's see how it goes....
The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. I don't know if it is our move changing things and making people (or just us) behave a certain way but we have been seeing a lot more true colours.
Personally I have been back and forth on if I am expecting too much or shouldn't settle for less. And even on what I as a person have to offer. Maybe I am just not worth the effort? It sure felt like that the last couple of weeks. Thankfully a few people reminded me of our friendship and those really helped me get through. I guess what I am trying to say is that only a few people in my life seem to really get me. Seem to be able to give me what I am willing and capable of giving them (or even exceed that).
People who know that I am just not good with dates (birthdays and such) and know how much effort I put into actually remembering them. People who repay the favor by checking in on me when they know I might need it. People who understand that I love to be alone but also do not like to be lonely. People that get me out of my comfort zone but also respect where my boundaries are. People I cant text any time of day. People that help me grow. Does that make any sense?
I guess this is normal and just life taking it's course but the fact that we are going to move somewhere new and get the chance to quite literally start over is very exciting to me. Because I do believe that what I am looking for is out there.
Life has it's ups and downs and as we evolve friendships change. The ones that stick with you throughout those changes and more importantly want you to be a part of theirs, those people are very special!!
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