Hello again,
Here I am again with another blogpost, on the verge of going into another week and passing my own deadline...... but I'm here now.
This past week has not been what I expected it to be but not in a bad way. Niels had to undergo surgery and has been home all week which was kinda nice because it gave us the time to spend some much needed quality time. I had planned on having a conversation with my mom but sadly we were not able to sit down together (read she was too busy with other things). I now have this conversation planned for next saturday and I must admit that I'm both anxious and excited for it.
Which is exactly what I wanted to write about today. Like I said earlier the past few weeks had been rough and as I'm scrolling trough my previous blogposts there have been some heavy ups and downs along the way. Which is just life and I am sure everybody experiences those. However looking back on the last 3 to 4 years I have come to realize that I have changed... a lot. I have worked on myself in many ways, therapy being one of them and I feel like the person I am today is stronger than ever. Not undefeatable, definitely not that, but I have found ways to help myself. Created routines, developed another mindset and learned new skills that bring me peace and joy. Things I can fall back on when life gets hard that help me get through it. Sticking to my routines and being aware of my mindset has been key.
Somehow this personal growth and the changes I have made started triggering some things from my past. Things I have been in therapy for and that I felt like I had processed emotionally. I can't really say why but these things are slowly coming back to the surface in a completely different way than before.
My thought process on this is as follows: back when I was in therapy all I wanted was to have peace. No more drama and just peace of mind. Therapy (which was extensive) was focused on helping me move on. My therapist made me relive the hard moments to make them look lighter and easier to handle, she made me realize things and helped me make decisions on what topics / discussions I was ready to face. Like I said peace was my end-goal back then and I am guessing that is where things changed.
To keep the peace I decided to let certain things slip. Simply because I was not ready to battle things out. Because I was not ready to speak up on these subjects. But now that I feel like I am mentally in the best place I have ever been...... it feels like the bar I've set back then is just not good enough anymore.
With all that I've learned and knowing that I'm still learning and that I am setting the example for Kevin. Evolving and trying to be a better, happier and more fulfilled person for myself and those around me. I am raising the bar!
Pun intended :)
Weird to say (write) it out loud but that is just what it is. I am going to try and do it with as much grace as possible but boundaries are going to be put into place. There will be conversations held and I am striving for a good outcome.
Whatever may come from all of this. I feel like I am ready to take it on!
I'll keep you guys updated.
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