Hello hello,
2,5 weeks since my last post. Not bad but also not where I want to be, Rome wasn't built in a day and well..... I guess that goes for everything in my life right now.
We got more results back from the fertility clinic/doctor and turns out I have a MRSA infection in my uterus. I know right, pretty peculiar place. It looks like there has been an infection for quite some time now because according to how the tissue they tested looked they could diagnose me with Chronic Endometritis. I am on antibiotics and have been advised by (multiple at this point) specialist to take rest and help my body recover. And that's where I am struggling.
How on earth do you rest and recover while you have a 3 year old?
I have a certain bar, a standard that I want to keep myself to. As a mom, as a wife, as a friend.
Yes sure I would love to take rest, lay on the couch for a day (or two) and only have to think about myself. But knowing me, I would be done with that after like 2 hours and then spend the time differently. I am working on this resting thing, trying to find my way as I go but there are so many mental blocks that I have to work through. I am really trying my hardest but at the moment I go back and forth between "you're hardest is enough" and "seriously?! Don't your husband and kid deserve more than that"
People say take a rest and make it sound so easy but to me that couldn't be further from the truth.
It's all a mental game and the fact that I am limited in what I am allowed to do physically (read no more hit workout the upcoming weeks) I've been struggling. The weather changing isn't stopping us from going outside, but it is affecting me in this season that I'm in. More than I think it's ever done and that frustrates me.
Even though life and the way I normally work through things isn't the same. There is still no reason to stay and wallow in these feelings. I have bad moments, not bad days. I am focusing on the things I CAN do, the things that I do have an influence on.
To give you a little point of view. I am writing this blog in a coffeeshop, christmas music is playing in the background and we are waiting for friends to meet us here. I left the house as is, the dishwasher, laundry and other tasks will still be there when we get back home. Life feels pretty good in this moment and that's what I'm gonna focus on, the dishes will still be there when we get back.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Striving for a post every 2 weeks from now on. I've really needed to write and get things off my chest and I will try to act on that urge more from now on.
Until next time.
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