Where to start........ I've been thinking about this blog post for over a week now and I keep having this voice in the back of mind saying "ha, what are you going to say now... you jinxed yourself by being so positive, how are you going to turn this into something positive" followed by some bad words and name calling on my own behalf.
But you know what: I'm not going to let that voice dictate my days and I'm not going to let it dictate what I write on here.
Like I said in my previous update I miscarried again. Turns out getting back up again is harder the second time around. We decided to dive deeper into what is causing this and have had several tests done the past couple weeks.
A lot of answers and health issues coming up but no concrete answer so far. Not going to bother you all with a bunch of medical terms but in short the answer we have now is that my body hasn't been getting what it needs. Not by a lack of effort on my part but due to something called the MTHFR gene. Some other abnormalities on top of that make for my body and overall health to be at a pretty low point right now. I have been really emotional and just tired. Tired both physically and mentally and although it has been very tempting to act on those feelings I have been following the same routine that has led me to feel so good the last time around.
I tried (and still try) to give myself some grace by resting more, sitting down to read or play a game with Kevin, anything that gives my body the chance to stop working so hard. We are getting help navigating all this and I am confident we will get there.
For now there is nothing else to do than focus on what we have and being thankful for the life we're living as it is. I am confident we'll figure this out, we've overcome so much on our journey to get here, this is just another bump in the road which we'll overcome to see the sun shining on the other side.
Other than the miscarriage and it's struggles life has been good. We get to enjoy our second autumn in the states and I can't say that special feeling has worn off at all. The color of the leaves changing, the wildlife, harvest season. Niels and I talked about how this would become normal to us, how the wide open spaces wouldn't seem so wide over time and how this would become our new normal.
There is no way for me to describe it, because yes I have never felt more at home, but I am also still so aware of how different life is over here. I am still amazed by the wide open spaces when we go on our drives, still get overly excited when I see a racoon, bald eagle or even a deer and don't even get me started on the sky changing colors. The people!
Our life here, even though we are not yet where we want to be in so many ways, is better than I could have ever imagined it!
I promise promise promise to not leave you guys hanging so long next time. Making the blog more of a priority is going to be a part of navigating all this.
Until next time!
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