In our hearts

I was ready to share this story, I had been sure of it all day.... But somehow now that I've got my laptop in front of me the words won't come. I had been keeping a secret for my readers on here. Up until last weekend, I was pregnant and overjoyed. And yes that gives it away. Up until last weekend.

I miscarried at 10 weeks and gave birth to our tiny babe at home. An experience I wouldn't wish upon my greatest enemy but yet one of the most natural things I have ever gone through.

And the sad thing is, this happens to so many people, so many people who just wash over it and never talk about what they lost.

Grief, pain, anger and every emotion that's known to man have been taking over our life the past week.We do not belong to the category of people who just wash over it, life does go on and we are very aware of that. The world is still turning, we have an amazing two (almost three year old) and there are so many things we are thankful for.

However everything that happened, the graphic images and holding that tiny little human (don't even dare to correct me and say it's called a fetus!) is something that will stay with me (us) forever. The baby we lost will not be forgotten, I am sure this will get easier, but never forgotten. No matter how short our time together was, there is a place in our hearts for this little baby. 

Somehow the events changed everything and simultaneously everything stayed the same. Day to day, Kevin's sleepless nights. A huge reality check and perspective change but also a wake up call as to listening to my body and what it needs to recover.

We are surrounded by wonderful people who somehow seem to know what we need and cater to those needs in all the ways possible. The outpouring of support from people we have only met a few months ago is just amazing! We feel so blessed to have finally found our village, people who take that extra step needed to get you through the day, who say "I am sending you home, go rest".

I can feel the tears burning in my eyes writing this, because this, no matter how shitty the circumstances, is everything we have ever hoped for and more!

Thankful doesn't even come close!

I know I am rambling on and not making any sense at this point. Like I said the words that I had picked out all day seem to have vanished.

This is a dark chapter, one we certainly didn't see coming after everything we had already been through. But like I said before... I firmly believe that there is sunshine after every storm.