Hey there,
A LOT has happened since my last little update. There is so much I want to write about, so many things on my mind. Not even gonna try to keep it short on this one. Grab a drink, get comfy, let's dive in!
Since Niels his departure to the USA I have been putting things in motion for our "American adventure". One of those things was putting Willow up for sale, the hardest thing about this whole endeavour for me personally. Little did I know shit would hit the fan when I published her advertisement. Within the first day I had several people who were interested in her. Totally overwhelmed by how fast this was going I was facing something I really wasn't ready for yet. However, I am a strong believer that no growth comes from clinging to your comfortzone and with that in mind I made an appointment with one of the potential buyers.
Mind you Niels still being in the USA this meant I would be "alone" when/if the sale would go through. Silly me for thinking the "safety net" we have here in the Netherlands would support me during all this.
Willow was sold directly during that first appointment, something I did see coming and was prepared for. In the days leading up to her sale I had become aware of the flaws in my safety net or to put it more directly the fact that I was expecting people to do what I would have done for them in a certain situation. Giving Willow up was / is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and only a few people acknowledged that. Acknowledged that I was making a sacrifice for a greater cause but still a sacrifice that hurt me to my very core. The people who did (yes if you're reading this.... you know how special you are to me) made it all better.
The ones who didn't, well they opened my eyes and made me realize something I had been ignoring for a very long time. Our move to the US is going to be so much more than a change of ZIP code.
It is us starting a new life and leaving the old behind. Quite literally getting a chance to start over again. The people who are willing to grow and dream with us will be a part of this new life. Those are the people who will be in our thoughts, our hearts and for whom there will always be room in our home. They will be a part of our adventure, no matter the distance between us.
With others that distance will increase over time. Nobody to blame there, sometimes life just takes over. Everybody has something they are working on personally and sometimes those things don't align.
Fallon Taylor has this qoute about surrounding yourself by people who challenge you to be the best version of you. This move, our plans and everything that comes with that made me get closer to the ones that do. Bottom line is that I have reached this point in my life where I want to grow and be challenged to strive for something more. In every aspect of life!
The past week has been one of the hardest of my life (Kevin his birth and postpartum included). Seeing how I've handled things made me realise how things have changed. Kevin has seen me cry but I didn't let myself go all out (at least not with him around). Instead of being down for days on end I managed to sit with those feelings for a few minutes and then move on. Having coping tools in place, knowing where and how I can get relief made all the difference in the world.
When it comes to Kevin or our family I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible.
I am not expecting the upcoming months to be all rainbows and butterflies..... But the first big hurdle has been taken and I am ready to tackle whatever else comes our way.
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