There is a first for everything I guess, this being my first blog written in the car. Do I normally get carsick? I normally get carsick really easily so this could be fun….
Anyway I have been wanting to write for over a week now but kept putting it off because other things seemed to have priority over the blog. And to some extent they did but still, the urge to write was there. No real specific subject in mind so I am trying to give you the rundown on what we’ve been up to the past couple of weeks. I am sure that I will zoom in on some things along the way.
We’ve been busy, between trying to find a new balance for myself with everything going on physically and just winter fun / holidays. Like I mentioned in my last few post’s there has been a lot going on physically and the advice I got to take more rest has been a hard one for me. Between medical tests, getting results and trying to set a coarse of action, there was still the regular day to day.
Niels and I had many conversations about how we were feeling both mentally and physically. In all these conversations the main subject was our family dynamic. Even looking around at other couples (no judgement there) we feel very strongly about the way we arrange our lives and spend our time together.
However an opportunity presented itself for me to work a few hours a week (evenings) and contribute. I’ve been feeling very guilty towards Niels about him being solely responsible for the money that comes in. Especially with all my medical costs. Anyway I applied for the job, had a brief interview over the phone and got offered the position this Friday. I know me being away 2 nights a week will be a change for everybody in our household.
Especially when Niels is on a trip it will be a completely new experience for me not putting Kevin to bed myself but maybe now is finally the time to put some trust in the wonderful people we have around and let go off my worries (and guilt). Still the excitement is the feeling that tops all doubts. I feel like this is going to be a good change for our family, a positive thing and who knows where a simple cleaning job might lead.
In everything I am doing on a daily basis I am trying to think of the woman I want to be 10 years from now. The person I aspire to be. Change especially in thinking and daily routine is not something you achieve all at once, I firmly believe working towards that goal consistently makes more sense.
That being said it’s not always easy to implement that way of thinking. I have been struggling with the changes in my body and just feeling weaker in the sense of what my body is capable of. Even in this matter I have to remind myself that one step at a time is enough, I’ll get back to feeling my strongest self and won’t serve myself by punishing myself in the process of getting there.
Easier said than done but I am still gonna try.
Trying to think of anything I may have left out, (see that’s what happens when you keep putting off writing). Kevin has been going through a rough phase when it comes to playing with friends. Hitting, not sharing and emotional outburst left and right. Trying to help him regulate his emotions and navigate these big feelings presents a whole new challenge in itself. It feels like there is so much pressure on us as parents to not mess this up. I catch myself getting frustrated about his behavior but have also noticed things getting worse when my response towards him is emotional. Trying to let any feelings be and work through them, for both Kevin and I, is almost like reparenting yourself and boy that is challenging.
Oh well like everything else we’ve tackled so far, parenting and not parenting related, I am sure we’ll get through it.
I guess this was my update for now. So sorry for this being not my regular blog style and maybe even being a bit long. Still…..I tried.
Until next time!
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